If you’re struggling with an eating disorder, anxiety or memories of past trauma you may be so tired of how it’s impacting your life. The feelings of anxiety, fear of food or inability to feel safe in your body might be so overwhelming. This part of you is so ready to let go of your eating disorder. You’re tired of the fatigue, weight gain or feelings of anxiety.
Yet there’s also another part of you. The part of you that doesn’t want to let go of your eating disorder. This part of you is driven by fear. A fear of gaining weight. The fear of losing control. The fear of not knowing how to cope with life without your eating disorder. This struggle is exhausting but it’s also normal. When you’re getting ready to make a change it may seem like you change overnight, but, it takes a long time to make a change.
Change starts with how you think about yourself and the thing you want to change. It’s important to allow yourself to think about the things you like about your eating disorder. To weight the pros and cons of changing and allow yourself to grieve. Your eating disorder has comforted you, helped you survive and cope with life.
Letting it go is a big step and you must allow yourself to contemplate change. In fact, trying to change too quickly often leads to changes that don’t stick. I’m sure you’ve learned this with diets in the past. You find a new diet and you’re super gung-ho. After deciding you’re not going to eat carbs or fat or whatever you clean out your kitchen and are all about it. After a week or two you start “slipping”. Within a month or two you’re back to whatever you were eating before. Because the changes diets ask us to make are so extreme and sudden, they’re hard to maintain. For real life-long change to happen we must first change our minds. Then our behaviors.
If you’re feeling ready-ish for recovery that’s o.k. And normal. You’re exactly where you need to be. Being ready-ish shouldn’t prevent you from asking for help if that feels right. Some folks think they have to be 100% ready before they join a support group or call a counselor. But these types of support are for everyone, not just people who are “ready” to change. If you’re ready-ish talking to a counselor or group can help you understand yourself and your behavior better. No one can or should try to make you change but a counselor can work with you to help you understand your process and when you’re ready move you to make the changes you want to make. So whether you’re ready, ready-ish or not ready know that it’s all part of recovery and you’re exactly where you need to be.